Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
