the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
