Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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