I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize