I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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