This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
