I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
