i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
