Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this will be a night to untag.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
