soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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