mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
