6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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