3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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