This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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