names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
