Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
