Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has the fingertips of a God
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