You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
