So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
