I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
