whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
