I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
