i just had sex bonerless
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
