redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize