listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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