Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
