I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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