ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i love accidental penises.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
