remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
