Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
