Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize