Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
