Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
