Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
