This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
