Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
