my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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