Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
