my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
