in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
