i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
