a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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