I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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