when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
