Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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