I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
