Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You can't motorboat a personality
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
