apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
