he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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