i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
