my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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