Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
