Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
