i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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