Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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