i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
