I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You ruined the universe
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
