there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
