1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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