I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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