just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
