You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
