Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
