She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
